Not Getting Recognition From Your Managers?
Every now and then I speak with someone who tells me they are not being acknowledged for their work.
They don’t feel others really recognise the time, energy and heart they put into what they do, and in turn, they tend to feel discouraged, offended or disappointed.
They may also start to complain to their spouses, friends and colleagues about how their managers are not validating their efforts.
And if that keeps going long enough, the relationship with their managers and towards their own work starts to become poor, because without the sense of validation, work seems meaningless.
Usually, we handle this situation by trying to get recognition or by getting away from people who don’t give us that.
We may:
- Have a conversation about the importance of recognition for us with our manager.
- Keep complaining if we don’t get the acknowledgement we want.
- And stop being so involved with work when we feel like people are not willing to give us the validation we long for.
The biggest issue with that is: if there’s a deeply held belief that I need recognition, I become dependent on it.
There’s a feeling of lack that seems to only be relieved by someone’s genuine appreciation of what I do, and if people don’t give me that, the feeling of lack continues.
Any time we are dependent on something external to happen for us to be ok, in peace and give our best, our world becomes limited and we do things in an attempt to get that from our environment.
A way out
There’s no way out but within
A better way to handle this situation is by questioning the need for recognition altogether.
- Why do you think you need external recognition or validation for your work?
- And if you didn’t get recognition, what would you make that mean about yourself?
✍️Write down your answers
Most of the time when I explore this question with a client we end up realising that this need is coming from a thought of insecurity, which deep down is based on an idea they are not enough.
Now we are getting somewhere.
If I see myself as enough and worthy, I don’t need someone’s words of affirmation for me to be free to give my best at anything I do.
The actual enjoyment of work comes from completely immersing ourselves in what we are doing. How it will be perceived or whether or not it will be appreciated is simply data about people’s opinions and what is within their attention.
If I let the aftermath of an opinion dictate how I show up for my work, I automatically sabotage my own enjoyment and flow.
Always enough
“We don’t create abundance. Abundance is always present. We create limitations.” – Arnold Patent
There’s no need to chant to the mirror that you are enough a thousand times, all you need is to see how you are keeping yourself away from it.
What happens when the thought of lack is not present? We fall back to enoughness.
Your freedom card here is truly seeing that the feeling of “not enough” is caused by nothing else but a temporary insecure construct the mind created.
- It’s not caused by the past. That’s an old thought happening now.
- It’s not caused by others. That’s a thought about what people say, do or think.
- It’s not caused by circumstances. That’s a thought about what’s happening.
The need for approval is 100% an insecure Thought appearing real.
When we see that, the mind quiets and all there is left is the ever-present background of enough.
Complaining about not receiving recognition is just a sign that, in that moment, the mind is creating a made-up sense of lack.
The confidence and certainty people seem to have from the outside is completely a byproduct of them not entertaining thoughts of insecurity from the inside.
It seems like that feeling of lack is caused by something external to you, but that’s not how the mind works. Our experience of reality is 100% generated within us.
You know
It is this simple. Perhaps for some people, “too simple”. But think about the moments when you were present with what you were doing, you lost a sense of time and even may have lost a sense of self. In that moment, there’s no lack, there’s no proving anyone anything, there’s no “will they care about this?”.
In the absence of all thoughts that concern you, the only thing that matters is what is right in front of you.
From this stance, you know more than anyone else the time and energy you have put into creating what you have done. So no matter what the world thinks, you know.
If no one appreciates what you do, you know what you’ve done. In reality, no one will ever know but you and since there’s no way to control others’ perceptions of us, the only thing left is to come back to our own sense of validation.
From personal recognition to impersonal feedback
Communication is not about what was said, but about what was understood.
As a consequence of letting go of seeking recognition, we naturally start to be impersonally curious for feedback.
- Is what you are doing actually making a difference?
- Is what you are creating valuable for people?
- Can you change/edit/redo anything to make it more valuable?
The key here is the word impersonal.
What makes effective leaders constantly experiment, test and learn from failures faster than anyone else – which puts them on a steep curve towards success – is that they don’t entertain their personal thoughts.
They know their work is a game and know there’s nothing that keeps them in mediocrity on that game than taking things personally.
When the “person” (you) is out of the picture, even asking your manager if they think your work is a waste of time is only feedback – not about you, personally, but about their perception of value.
Conclusion
I want to make this clear: there’s nothing wrong with you for asking for validation, recognition or acknowledgement. We will do that whenever we feel a sense of lack and believe others have the power to fulfil us.
Still, by outsourcing your power you are also automatically a victim of circumstances. So by deeply exploring the true cause of that feeling of lack and the nature of being enough, a possibility of freedom opens up.
There’s nothing to do but notice how the mind creates a sense of lack throughout your day. Once the thought passes, enoughness is naturally present and from this place, take a look if it still makes sense to ask for recognition.
In the absence of a thought of lack, enoughness is always present as a backdrop of our experience and as a consequence of realising that, we shift from taking things personally to impersonally looking for feedback about our work so we can make it increasingly better and more valuable for us and for the people we work with.
Not Getting Recognition From Your Managers? Read More »