“Just do your job man, because once you do more, people will always expect you to do more and then you will have to live up to that expectation constantly.”
This is the kind of comment I remember hearing from some people early on in my career after they saw me taking the extra mile to make sure I was delivering more than what was agreed at work.
The mindset of only doing enough to get by might seem like a smart way to go through life. After all:
- We are spending less effort and time to get part of what we want.
- We get to remain comfortable and secure doing what we know and people can rely on us for doing that.
- We avoid possible criticism or disappointment that could occur if we get too involved in a project. We avoid looking bad or making mistakes.
I am sure we can all relate to that in some moments in our lives. Besides, whenever I behaved like this it seemed completely justifiable and reasonable from my perspective at that moment.
“Anyone who does whatever it is, justify their position by how they see it.” – Steve Hardison
The cost
However, this way of being has a high downside.
Only doing enough to get by is a way of being that ends up slowly corroding any career or relationship. By trying to preserve our comfort and self-image in the long term we end up making any work or relationship stagnant and obsolete, as if waiting for it to die.
Most people who are living in this way don’t notice the consequences this way of being creates.
Usually, only when a moment of crisis comes and we lose our short-term sense of security and comfort that we are pushed into the unknown and forced to get creative and resourceful.
But as soon as we figure out a way to get back to our security and comfort, the vicious cycle continues.
Without taking an honest and deeper look at that and making a deliberate choice to change it, we unconsciously get in an endless loop and keep away something that truly makes life worth living: a sense of aliveness, freedom and creativity.
You must give up what you know
“We live in a society in which the name of the game is: look good.” – Werner Erhard
An effective leader is creative, innovative and visionary in some way. They are constantly testing out assumptions, embracing change and creating themselves anew.
What people don’t tend to see though is that these leaders are just as human as everyone else. They have fears, doubts and insecurities just like you and me.
But the difference is that at some point in their lives, they realised they needed to give something up in order to keep pushing the envelope of creativity and excellence. They gave up:
- Their knowing
- Trying to look good
If you speak with someone who is in that bubble of comfort in their lives, one of the things you will often hear from them is what they know.
They “know” what they can and cannot do. They “know” they can’t change because that’s “who they are” and they “know” how hard it will be to try something new.
The other thing you will often notice is that they keep trying to preserve their self-image and doing everything they can to not look bad in the eyes of others.
Leaders who are bringing excellence into everything they do, don’t operate in this way. They are constantly sailing in the waters of the unknown, unconcerned with looking good.
If you are living in the land of what you know, there’s no room for learning, growing or ascending that.
From surviving to thriving
“I spent years in a painfully comfortable place, until I realised that to go beyond the fear of the unknown, is to realise that fear itself is just thought in the moment.” – Rajni Ghir
If you listen closely, there is a voice in your head that talks throughout the whole day and it’s major concern is with its own survival.
This voice is always looking to agree or disagree, to make itself right and others wrong, it always has a justifiable opinion about everything and everyone. It comes up with reasons why you should do certain things or should be a certain way and it’s constantly avoiding change.
Leaders are not born as leaders, they are made. Effective leaders become this way by doing the counter-intuitive and consciously questioning all assumptions from this voice in the head.
For example, becoming a risk-taker comes from challenging the thought that you might die if you invest in an idea most people are not used to, and finding out that even if you lose everything, you can still get back up and continue playing.
Another example is that having incredible relationships in your life is a big part created by challenging assumptions that you must prove yourself right or that there’s such a thing as someone being more or less worthy than you. As a by-product, you naturally become more curious about people’s perspectives and start seeing everyone as your equal.
Contrary to popular belief, the feeling of safety is not actually caused by stable circumstances, it is caused by dropping thoughts of fear and paying attention to your natural ability to be resourceful and creative no matter what happens.
It’s not who you are, it’s who you are being
“Thank you for helping me see things that I wouldn’t learn in any other work routine. This is something you learn with examples and practice. And I have the possibility to apply this.”
This is a message I recently received from Jefte Nascimento, our incredible designer who I am proud to have as part of the team for a business I run.
Jefte sent me this message after we had a short conversation about creating agreements, rather than expectations, as a solution to his way of dealing with some challenges he was facing with other colleagues.
You see, a message like this doesn’t come from everyone.
Not everyone chooses excellence and an openness to learning as a foundation of their working process.
Jefte saw an opportunity to learn something new and to immediately add that to his toolbox.
That is how he is choosing to be.
He hasn’t always been this way and he was definitely not born choosing excellence as his north star.
One of the main reasons why people remain living only doing enough to get by is because somewhere in their minds they’ve associated this way of being with who they are.
The moment you identify yourself with a way of being, you fix yourself into reality, as if to say “I am unchangeable”.
But that’s never true.
What you truly are is the very creative fabric of thought, with the possibility to create any way of being that you choose.
- An “anxious person” is simply someone who has mastered the repeated process of holding on to thoughts of anxiety.
- A “confident person” is simply someone who has mastered the repeated process of letting go of self-concern and taking action.
- A “successful person” is simply someone who has mastered the repeated process of making attempts.
- Someone who considers themselves a “failure” has simply mastered the repeated process of holding on to thoughts of self-judgment.
It’s not who you are, it’s who you are being and who you are being is constantly changing.
Just like with Jefte, when hearing feedback you can choose to BE against it and prove yourself right or you can choose to BE that you learn from everyone you speak to. The latter is a way of being that assures you will keep thriving while the former will assure you to keep living in survival.
Key takeaways
- Only doing enough to get by might seem like a smart way to go through life, but there’s a big cost: you never get to fully come alive and create a life you might really want.
- If you want to change that way of being, you must give up your know-it-all-ism and give up trying to look good.
- Going from surviving to thriving means doing the counter-intuitive thing and challenging the assumptions the self-protecting voice in your head has believed in – including the feeling of being safe.
- Bringing excellence into everything you do is a created way of being that you can step into and out of at any time when you drop the idea of who you are.
